Thu 1 Oct 2009

19 months old today!

Posted by badmuthablogger under Birthday, Letters to Bunny
[4] Comments 

Happy 19 month Birthday, Bunny! I’m bang on time this month! Things didn’t slip to the wayside! I didn’t forget! I’m right here on the money!

Wow. We’ve been on this journey through life for 19 whole months, and what a ride it’s been. We’ve had the most fun. The most happiness. And a few scares along the way too. The biggest ups and downs. It’s been a bustling adventure. A bit of a bumpy ride at times, I’ll give you that, but the joy, the excitement, the exhilaration of being able to share my world with you, has made it all worthwhile.

bunny_mall

I thank the Gods that you have such a sunny disposition coupled with a bright, curious spirit. Otherwise we wouldn’t be getting along so well. If you were a whining, moaning, sourpuss of a baby it wouldn’t be nearly so much fun hanging out on a daily basis. But thankfully the Gods were kind and blessed me with the best little bunny in the world.

However, all that being said, we are nearing into the “terrible twos” and you have been known to throw a tantrum or two. I’ve got a great gash across my left cheek where you slashed in with your nails in a hissy fit, and auntie has fresh bite marks in her arm where you gnashed down on her in a furious frenzy. Great gobs of my hair are missing too, you little blighter. I haven’t got enough hair as it is, so I’d appreciate it if you stuck to attacking my limbs. Better yet, beat it out on the cushions.

bunny_garden2

Things that really get you in a stew: anything that the grown ups won’t let you do. Like playing in the road with the cars. Or throwing large rocks at people’s heads. Or playing in the front seat of mummy’s car with the steering wheel and all the interesting buttons and levers. Woe befall nanny who started that car game with you. It’s turned into a right fiasco. Every time we go in the car, you have to have a go in the driver’s seat. End of story.

 bunny_beach_tennesseevalley2

Yes, bun-buns, you like to have your own way. Willful little monkey, you are. Fiercely independent. And fearless too. You’re quite happy to trot off into the distance at the park, in the garden, without a glance behind you. You go right up to strangers (especially the pretty ladies) and introduce yourself with a smile, a pointed finger and a coy cock of your head.

When we’re not rushing about to swim class, music class, playgroup, or shopping,  you like nothing more than to spend hours in the back garden rummaging through the redwood undergrowth, poking into the woodpile where black widows dwell, throwing little sticks and stones into the stream. When we’re meandering about in nature, you like to give me things that you find. Bits of leaf. Poisonous red berries. Yesterday you brought me a piece of deer dung, like it was a precious bit of black gold. Very sweet. I’m thankful that you didn’t eat it, but on the other hand, maybe the bacteria would be good for building your intestinal gut flora?

bunny_garden

Speaking of which, the food thing is still very much a struggle. You’re a good little eater, and most days you wolf down your squash, chicken and chard. But I’m having a devil of a time getting you to drink mama’s chicken bone broth. I don’t like it either but it’s good medicine bun-buns. We need those animal nutrients to heal that gut of yours.

That’s the diagnosis by the way. Leaky gut and candida overgrowth. We need to heal and seal that gut, and restore that bacterial balance, and then one day soon you should be able to  eat other foods. On occasion I’ve managed to give you some lamb but can’t be sure it’s sitting well in your gut. You still have symptoms you see. Poor sleep. Abnormal poop. Rash. And now a small boil has appeared near your right nipple. I pray every day that one day we’ll be symptom free and able to eat whatever we like.

bunny_food

Now that you’re firmly up on two legs, it’s hard for your old mama to keep up. Blimey, can you move! I used to be fast on my pins, but since I turned over the hill of 40 years old, things haven’t been the same. My metabolism ain’t what it used to be. I just hope you have the sense to stay out of the road. Remember, our puss-cat was killed out there.

We do have a gate, but you are obsessed with figuring it out. You can open doors in the house, turn on taps, flush loos and flick light switches, so who knows what’s next. Everytime we go to the park, you head straight for the gates and start figuring out how to open them. It won’t be long before I have to put a bloody great big double bolt and padlock on our front gate to keep you safe inside.

But that might not stop you, because you’re also working hard on your climbing skills. Scaling the dining room table is a breeze for you these days. You’re all about getting into new and difficult places to reach all those fascinating and dangerous things that mama is determined to hide from you.

By the way, you broke my iPod player this week. That’s another very expensive toy you owe me.

You haven’t been doing much talking yet. I keep thinking I hear whole sentences, but it could be my imagination. You babble a lot. You can sort of say dog, duck, deer and da-da. And bath and by-by. That’s the full repertoire for now. You understand everything perfectly well, just haven’t got the vocal cords working properly yet to respond. Don’t worry, bun-buns, all in good time. You’ll be chewing my ear off before we both know it.

bunny_beach_tennesseevalley1

It won’t be long before the end of the year, and before we know it, you’ll be turning 2 and trotting off to preschool, yakking with your mates. I’m going to stretch out these next few months as long as possible. Maybe we’ll go on holiday together, once we crack this health stuff and can take a break without having to eat squash, chicken and chard for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Somewhere warm and tropical where we can eat coconut and papaya. Something to look forward to on your next birthday, sweet-pea.

Keep smiling, bunny. Stay as sweet as you are. I love you with all my heart and soul. Remember that. You are my world. The sun in the morning and the moon at night. I love every little bit of your bones. Happy Birthday bun-buns.

All my love always

Mummy xxxxxxxx

 

Sun 20 Sep 2009

18 months old today! (again)

Posted by badmuthablogger under Letters to Bunny
1 Comment 

Bun-buns! I’ve missed your birthday again. I’m 19 days late. Or is it 20? Yikes. Unforgivable. Not only am I horribly late AGAIN, but last month’s Happy 18 month Birthday post actually should have been your 17 month birthday! It’s this month that’s your 18 month, year-and-a-half-birthday-bonanza-big-day. Honestly, what a cockup!

bunny_relatives2

What a ditz your poor ol’ mum is. To think I used to have a brain. I’ve got the same old excuses up my sleeve – severe lack of sleep, hopelessly trying to cope with multiple food allergies and intolerances, and generally run off my feet from doing the single mama juggle shuffle. I’ve got squash for brains, all squishy and full of mush, which isn’t surprising since that’s all I’ve been eating for the last 2 months. But really, there’s no excuse. I’m sorry bunny. Forgive me.

I hope one day you’ll realise that I did the very best I could under the circumstances. It hasn’t been easy. And given our situation, what’s a late birthday post here and there, I ask you? The main thing is I managed to keep you as healthy and nourished as possible, and bathed you with all of my love. And I plan to continue this way for the rest of my life, ok?

bunny_london_swings

Last month, for your epic one and a half year mark, we went to England again.  I know. That’s 3 times in less than 2 years. I was hoping you’d be getting used to the whole long haul flight thing, but alas no. The flight was a nightmare. It wasn’t all your fault. I blame British Airways. We’re going Virgin Atlantic from here on out. You pretty much bounced off the walls for the entire flight, leaving your mama frazzled and fried. Stupidly I gave you a whole bowl of raspberries, blackberries and grapes thinking a bit of fruit would do you good, and forgetting that sugar, any kind of sugar, even fructose, turns you into a hyperactive monster. Like I said, squash for brains.

But despite our food challenges – which were exceptionally difficult to manage while traveling - we had barrels of fun traveling together. Blighty was a big blast. The weather was sweet as a nut for a change, and we got plenty of outdoor time. We rented this cute little row boat in Hyde Park and clowned about on the lake.

bunny_london_lake2

You took to it like a duck to water, getting to grips with the oars, and trailing your fingers in the water looking for fish to tickle. You’ve got a fine pair of sea legs on you. You’ll be taking after your father and Bapu on that one, my son.

bunny_london_lake

Ahoy there bun-buns! Here you are practising your sea cap’n skills at the Princess Diana children’s park in Kensington.

bunny_london_playground

We hit the parks while we were in the big smoke. One of your favourites was Coram’s Fields. Lots of pigeons to chase, plenty of swings and slides, but best of all the water fountains!

bunny_london_playground2

You’ve been growing like a weed this month. Not getting any fatter, but definitely longer and leaner. Not talking yet, but running around like crazy and making lots of communicative sounds. You have so much expression and vitality oozing out of you. You’re blossoming into a proper little boy. Oodles of energy. Strong willed. Independent. Running and exploring all the time, without looking back to see if mama is behind you. Curious about everything. Trusting and open to the wonder of life. I love that about you.

bunny_london_slide

Life with you is a big, fun, mischievous adventure. A playground for your pleasure.

bunny_london_swings2

After a week in London, we headed off to Far West Cornwall for a couple of weeks. That’s where you were conceived bunny. Where mama carried you in her belly for the first few months of your life. We got roots there bun-buns.

Look! This is where your mama used to live. Heart of my home. The place I loved the most. It’s called Wicca Farm, in West Penwith. It dates back to the Bronze Age. I lived in the barn on the left. I don’t know how I ever tore myself away from there. But it’s no place for a baby bun-buns. You might have slipped on a granite style and cracked your head, or fallen off the cliff path into the unforgiving seas. It’s better that I brought you here to safe, sunny, happy California. No witch trials around here. No dangerous mishaps or strange goings on in the night.

bunny_wicca

Along with the witches, West Cornwall has some of the best beaches in the world. Fine white sand. Perfect surf. Teeming with tidepools. But sadly, it turns out that you’re not really a beach bunny. Getting sand on your paws freaks you out. I’m hoping with time you’ll get into the beach thing. It’s a fun place when you give it a chance, bunny. Trust me.

bunny_sennen

 Once I bought you an orange spade and a yellow fishing net, you were more interested.

bunny_stives

Best of all was poking about the small, brightly coloured fishing boats at low tide. That was right up your alley.  You just loved those boat buoys.

bunny_stives_beachballs

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bunny_stives_beachballs3

 We spent some time at the ancient Merry Maidens stone circle in Lamorna, one of your mama’s favourite old haunts. 

bunny_stones2

We frolicked like fairies. Round and round we went, casting mischief and magic to the four directions.

bunny_stones

bunny_stones5

bunny_stones3

It was such a lovely time together, just me and you. We had baths together. We slept in the big bed together.  We ate our chicken, chard and squash together. I didn’t want it to end. There were no classes to go to. No bills to pay. No phone calls to make. It was how life should be. Moment by moment, pure fun and play.

bunny_mousehole

Once or twice I even think we got close to baseline with your food allergies. All that sea air and stress free living, has to count for something. I know we’ll crack this health stuff sweetie. Hang in there with me, and let’s see what magic we can weave over the next few months. By your second birthday, we’ll be eating vegan coconut chocolate cake again, you’ll see!

Happy belated birthday bunny! It’s been such a pleasure sharing my life with you. I don’t know where I’d be without you walking by my side.

I love you so much bun-buns.

bunny_sleeping

All my love forever

Mummy xxxxxxxxx

 

Tue 15 Sep 2009

Just another shitty day

Posted by badmuthablogger under Food, Food Allergies, Gluten Free, Mental Health, Uncategorized
[2] Comments 

First bunny pulled off his nappies this morning on the playmat and unleashed a bout of foul-smelling diarrhea which he then poked and spread about with his feet. Lots of undigested, nasty bits of poop and slime all over his arms and legs, all over the spiffy Skip Hop Play Spot mats, and all over me. Lovely.

I had to wrestle him into the bathtub for a major clean-up, and while I was gone the cat shat on the mat. Yep, that’s right. The cat decided to give it a go as well, and left an even more foul-smelling pile of sticky, slimy poop for me to clean up.

Bunny and I rushed like mad to get to music class on time smelling of roses, and not poop, only to find the studio locked up because shit-for-brains here got the date wrong. Which is the second time that’s happened to me in a week.

All this food allergy stuff has got my head in a right muddle.

Finally after coming home and struggling with the bunny for about an hour, trying to get him to take a nap, I decided to go out and treat myself to a much needed manicure. My nails are chewed and chipped up something rotten what with all the stress we’ve been under. Plus chopping up ten tons of squash and chard every day plays havoc with your hands. Not to mention boiling up chicken bone broth.

We went to this place in the city called Mani and Nanny (polish while they play) where I dropped bunny off into childcare and watched him on TV while I got pampered in the next room. Which sounds good in theory, but just as I was settling into my chair the nanny came out carrying bunny, and asked me if it was OK if he ate an orange.

Er, no. Said I. It was NOT okay.

Has he actually EATEN an orange? I asked with a sinking heart.

I’m thinking FUCK. I can’t believe I didn’t tell them my son was allergic to most foods when I checked him in. And I can’t believe the nanny let him eat an orange without checking in with me first.

Well, he ate a little piece. Yes. Not a very big piece. Just a small mandarin. He’s not allergic is he? The nanny stammered and faltered under my glare.

FUCK.

He comes out in a rash around his mouth within minutes. An hour later and the reaction deepens. He’s hyper. He’s hot. He’s clammy. He’s unhappy. He doesn’t eat his dinner when we get home. He jumps around the walls for a while, and then leaps around in bed, pulling on my breasts wanting to nurse, nurse, nurse, even though the milk bar is run dry. He doesn’t want to sleep. He’s hyper. He hits me. He bites. He cries. He has gas. He finally passes out and has already woken up several times while I’m writing this post, and he’s only been in bed for less than 3 hours. It’s going to be yet another long night.

I almost called my mum to tell her I can’t do this anymore. This parenting thing is too hard for me. I can’t stay on top of it. These food issues are taking a heavy toll on me. I feel so helpless. I do everything I can and shit still happens. I can’t keep bunny in a box, isolated from the world around him. He’s going to be exposed to all kinds of food in the outside world. How in God’s name am I supposed to protect him?

Sigh. Like I said. Another shitty day.

 

Fri 11 Sep 2009

Multiple food allergies galore and more

Posted by badmuthablogger under Food, Food Allergies, Gluten Free, Sick
[11] Comments 

Phew. Almost a month since I last posted. I can’t seem to get it together to blog these days. Mostly because I’m shattered. Talk about no energy. I got no mojo. Zilch chi.

Of course, bunny still has plenty of beans for the both of us, but at the same time I am worried to death about his health. He bounces around brightly enough most days. To the outsider he looks like a normal, healthy, happy toddler. But if you look more closely, underneath the surface, through his mama’s eyes, you will see quite clearly that, Houston, we have a problem. A bucket load of problems to be precise, and they just ain’t going away.

We’ve been on a hideous extreme elimination diet of squash, chicken, and chard now for about 6 weeks. I have ulcers in the back of my throat and on my lip. I have ear ache. My glands are swollen. I’ve lost several pounds over the last few weeks, which normally would be cause for celebration, but it’s all gone from my legs and arms, and the pudge around my tummy looks even bigger in comparison. Stick limbs protruding from a fat belly. Not exactly the look I want at this stage of my life.

Truth is, I don’t really need to lose weight. I need to tone up. But on this ridiculously extreme diet coupled with no sleep and a belly full of worry, there is no chance of me toning up anything except my stress muscles. Plus I hate chicken. I’ve been vegetarian for over 20 years, and now I’m forcing down the chicken on a daily basis, and frankly it does not agree with me. I have foul smelling fowl flatulence. Very unpleasant. My farts are so putrid they could knock out an elephant. I’m too gassed to go out. It’s embarrassing. Everytime I let one rip in public, I quickly shoot an accusatory look at the bun-buns, and make a big show of checking his nappies. His fart. Not mine.

I know I need help. For a start, I need more nutrients. More vitamins. More food, for godsake. But everytime I introduce something into our diet, bunny has a reaction that throws us through a major loop, and there’s no hope for it. The new food has to go out the window, and it’s back to good old squash and chicken and chard. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. And snacks. I’ve got squash coming out of my ears.

Luckily it’s squash season, so there’s plenty of strange and wonderful squash to choose from. My mum bought one over today that looks like a large, bloated white starfish. I’m not exactly sure what to do with it’s legs. Maybe they’re ornamental.

In a desperate attempt to get something nutritious into my body, I started taking fish oils three days ago. Nordic Naturals, which I thought was a “good”, clean brand. God knows it costs enough dosh. Anyway, it was a BIG mistake. It took me 24 hours to figure out that the extreme red ring of doom around bun bun’s bum, the instant red rash on his body, the gas, the eczema, the fitful, fretful sleep, was all down to one itty-bitty SOY ingredient that I failed to notice when I checked the ingredients. Soy masquerading as Vitamin E. It’s everywhere.

I am fast becoming a food allergy detective. Not a very good one, but I’m learning the hard way. I did find one brand (Blue Ice) that makes a fish oil with no additives, no soy, no wheat, no gluten, no dairy, no nothing. Just fish oil. So I guess we’ll give that a whirl, and hope that bunny isn’t allergic to fish oil itself. I have to get something nutritious inside me, or I am going to puff away into thin air. I could combust from a putrifying fart.

Here’s another thing I’m freaking out about. Last week we went to the park. A seemingly safe and benign activity. I took my eyes off the bunny for a minute, and quick as a flash he found what looked like a wheat cracker in the sand, and managed to swallow half of it before I could prise the rest from his teeth. 20 minutes later he had red blisters all around his mouth, and an hour later he turns into a raging, hyperactive monster toddler running rings around the place, frantic as a rabid bunny.

I bundled him back home, whereupon he leapt about on the biggest adrenalin rush I’ve ever seen. Like someone had given him a megadose of speed. It was horrible. Later that night he wouldn’t sleep, preferring instead to bounce off the walls while giggling like a maniac. I had to do a BIG time out for me (not for him – he was way beyond any kind of disciplinary action)  as I was close to losing my temper and throwing him out the window.

Of course, I would never actually harm my little bun-buns. I love him far too much for that. But I AM getting to the end of my tether, folks. I don’t know how much more I can take. Some serious action needs to be taken. Something has to change. Something needs to give. I’ve got some appointments lined up next week with various docs. Tests, tests and more tests.  Some acupuncture, some homeopathy, some nutritional therapy. We need a big support team. We can’t crack this nut on our own. By golly, I swear we’ll get a handle on this one way or another. We’ll get our guts back in shape. I’ll have those farts smelling sweet again and the bunny back on track with his health. It’s just a matter of time…

 

Tue 18 Aug 2009

18 months old!!!

Posted by badmuthablogger under Birthday, Bunny, Letters to Bunny
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I’m sorry, bunny. I’m over 2 weeks late to wish you Happy Birthday. I’m a rubbish mum. But believe me, I do have my reasons. And none of them mean I love you any less. I’ve been wanting to wish you Happy Birthday every day for the last 2 weeks, but what with one thing and another, the time has slipped by and well… now here I am. Better late than never, my cherub. I hope you forgive me.

bunny_stream

It’s a big one too. You’re 18 months old now! A whole year and a half! What a wonderful milestone! In two shakes of a rabbit’s tail you’ll be turning from a toddler into a teenager, and I’ll be well over the hill and completely lost without you teeter tottering by my side. It breaks my heart to think how fast the time has flown by.

This month has been your month for walking. You’re up on two pins now, good and proper. No more crawling and wearing out the knees in your jeans, which is a shame really, as they were super stylish and cool. You can’t buy them in the shops like that, you know. Those authentic ripped jeans of yours have caught many an envious look. I’m going to try and keep squeezing your butt into them as long as I possibly can. Squeeze a bit more life out of them, which actually isn’t that hard to do since you seem to be losing weight lately. You’re still wearing your 6 to 12 month clothes. They hang off you like a scarecrow. Builder’s bum seems to be a trademark of yours. Lucky for you that’s a cute bottom. Must have inherited that best ass(et) from me.

Your walking skills have progressed rapidly. You’ve mastered standing up and sitting down, negotiated stairs both up and down (albeit with a pair of mama’s hands to help you) and you race around the house and garden at a fair old pace, your little legs moving far too fast for your body to catch up. Lots of falling down and bruises, but you are a tough little cookie, and not many tears have been spilt along the way.

Except for the time that mummy put you down on the kitchen side while she messed about making a cup of tea, and you leaned over and turned the gas burner on, and burnt your hand. You screamed and cried for a couple of hours after that. I’ll never forgive myself for being such an idiot.

Then there was the time, the next day as it happens, that you were running to greet me across the lawn and tripped and fell on a bee. I had to pull out the sting with my finger nails. You cried a lot then too. It was the same hand as the burn. Bad luck, bunny. Bad luck. At least we know that you are NOT allergic to bees. Phew.

However, you do seem to be allergic to everything else. In particular to food. This is the month that we’ve been caught in the throes of food intolerances and allergies. Not to mention other things besides. Like grass. And dirt. Keeping out of the mud seems to be a bit of a problem for you…

bunny_grub_monster

Mummy is doing her very best to get to the bottom of these allergy things and failing miserably. I gave you an orange today, and you LOVED it. And then an hour later broke out in a vicious red rash, lots of gas and stomach pains and the bloody Red Ring of Doom around the anus made an appearance again. I’m afraid it’s back to chicken soup with squash, carrot and spinach for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lovely. I hope one day we will look back at this food challenged period and remember it fondly as a distant nightmare. Messy monotone mundane mealtimes will be a thing of the past.

bunny_supper

Despite the health challenges, you’re still mama’s smiley little bundle of joy. This past month we’ve had a whole host of exciting and fun adventures together. We went on our first carousel. A solar powered one. The horses went up, the horses went down, around and around and around. You had so much fun. That is, until the bloke working there clocked us and made me measure you against a stick, whereupon he promptly announced you were too short to ride. What a party pooper. Honestly, this country has gone to the dogs. Too much health and safety shenanigans. It’s not safe to have fun anymore.

first_carousel

Look! These are the first flowers you picked for me from the garden! You toddled all the way down the end of the garden to bring me the last of the flowers that the deer had missed chomping. Such a sweetie! It brought a tear to my eye.

first_flowers

The big event of the month was Bapu and Grandma K coming to visit, all the way from New Mexico in their swanky Mercedes RV. It was an epic occasion. Every day was chock full of fun and games, and lots of attention lavished on you, my bright eyed bun-buns. Grandpa walked you around the garden and played silly buggers with the hose pipe, swooshing it around and around like a maniac, spraying water and mud everywhere. You loved it. I’m not sure the landlady would have appreciated Bapu’s antics, but luckily she didn’t pop round while the hose party was in full swing.

You spent many hours rummaging about in the dirt and undergrowth of the back woods with Bapu. Clearly a man after your own heart.

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You also played happily in the vegetable garden with Grandma K.

bunny_grandmaK

We went on a road trip here and there, to show Bapu and Grandma the sights.

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And on the last day, we ended up at Rodeo beach, where you nestled into my lap and stared wistfully out to sea.

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I love you little snuggle bunny, with all my heart and soul. Happy Birthday sweet-ums. Stay small and happy, and cute as you are, and you’ll go far.

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All my love always, Mummy xxxxxxxxxx

 

Mon 27 Jul 2009

Just when you think it can’t get any worse…

Posted by badmuthablogger under Dairy free, Food Allergies, Gluten Free, Mental Health
[4] Comments 

We got our blood test results back from ALCAT which cost an arm and a leg, but hey, no regrets. It had to be done. We couldn’t stay in the dark any longer with me fumbling about like a blind idiot trying to figure things out myself. Truth told, I was making a right pig’s ear of things.

To my horror, I found out that I had been giving my little bun-buns all the top foods that he can’t tolerate. Thinking I was helping him out when in fact I was sending him over the edge. Giving him things like beef, green peas and bananas. Seemingly benign foods, but poisonous to the bunny. Not good. No wonder he hasn’t been getting any better.

Overall the situation is much, much worse than I feared. Our list of food intolerances is unbelievably, mind-boggling, huge.

We’ve gone to see a specialist. A nutritionist who claims that she can help us recover. For the last few days she’s put us on an extreme elimination diet. All we’re allowed to eat is millet, lamb, chicken, carrots, courgette, chard and spinach. It all has to be organic, and it all has to be pre-washed in grapefruit seed extract to kill molds and bacteria. That’s our lot for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Since I’m vegetarian, I’ve got even less to look forward to at mealtimes. It’s only been 3 days and already I have millet coming out of my ears. Millet schmillet. After this, I never want to see bird seed again.

The nutritionist said we should start to see results straight away, but if anything things are getting worse. Yesterday bunny broke out with a whole host of new symptoms – a red rash around his mouth and under his arms, and then screaming in pain with constipation, and tossing and turning throughout the night. It took me a few hours to figure out that we had used chicken stock (ready-made) and it had cider vinegar in it. Plus he also ate chicken pre-cooked from the deli at Wholefoods which apparently is seasoned with all kinds of nasty things that bunny can’t tolerate. So the relapse in symptoms could be due to the combination of these things.

But then tonight, same thing. A new ring of red spots and a an even nastier red ring appeared around his poop hole, looking all raw and bloody. Plus the same excruciating constipation and difficulty sleeping. He didn’t want to eat any solid food since lunchtime, just my breastmilk, so that makes me think it’s something that I ate today. But what? I haven’t been very good at staying on the strict diet, so could it have been the rice drink I had this morning? Or the cherries I had at lunchtime? Or is he intolerant to millet and lamb aswell?

I am pulling my hair out, gnawing on the table legs, scouring the internet for information, and generally getting very frustrated and freaked out about bunny’s health. I know I’m not alone, because every time I do an internet search I get millions and zillions of results. Food intolerances, leaky gut, celiacs disease – these things are a growing epidemic. It’s out of control. We’re a nation of sickly bicklys, falling apart at the seams.

But knowing I’m not alone, doesn’t make me feel heaps better. I really am at the very, very end of my sanity tether. There’s only a few strands holding me together. One more slip and I’ll be down at the funny farm.

At this point, I’ll do whatever it takes to make bunny better. I’ll even drink my own urine. Who knows, maybe a wee drop of the amber nectar would do the trick. Extremis malis, extrema remedia. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

Wed 22 Jul 2009

Multiple food intolerances are knocking us down

Posted by badmuthablogger under Dairy free, Food, Food Allergies, Gluten Free, Sick
[5] Comments 

I really want to blog more than once a fortnight, but OMG I am so effing TIRED. I hardly know which way is up or down any more. Sleep deprivation has taken its toll and I have been reduced to a mere shell of a mama. Clear thinking I am not. I am dull with fatigue. All the colour has bleached out of me, leaving a faint wash of weary, dreary grey.

I’m finding it hard to stay up past bunny’s bedtime. And that’s the only time I have to blog. The rest of the day is hopeless since bunny keeps my hands fully tied from dawn to dusk. He’s the Duracell Bunny. Not to be confused with the Energiser Bunny, which is the American rip off version.

But I digress. I didn’t come online to blog about battery bunnies, fascinating topic that it is. Instead, I wanted to blog about bunny’s ailments. Bunny and I are falling way down the rabbit hole of food intolerances. There’s nothing left to eat. Really. We are withering away.

I spent a bucketload of dosh on blood tests which apparently aren’t all that accurate. Anyway, we don’t get the results for 2 more days. In the meantime, I am racking my addled, sleep-deprived brain for recipe ideas and toddler snacks that don’t have any gluten, grains, corn, soy, dairy, eggs, sugar, fruit, tomatoes, potatoes, chicken, pork or turkey in them. If you have any ideas, PLEASE send them my way.

Up until today we were living on rice. We were eating more rice foods than you can shake a stick at. Rice cakes. Rice crackers. Rice cereal. Rice bread. Rice protein drinks. Rice milk. And rice itself of course. We had rice coming out of our ears. It was the last staple in our desert of a diet. I was clutching at rice straws with my last bit of strength. Thank goodness there was something to spread a little avocado on. Something white to splash over our sugar-free rice crispies. Something to crunch as an afternoon snack.

And then guess what? Today we have to eliminate rice aswell because despite all our food eliminations, bunny is STILL suffering from horrible symptoms. It’s unbelievable. Inconceivable. But there it is. The naked truth. We have nipped our options down to a nub. Nothing left for us to eat but vegetables, beans and meat.

I’ve been a vegetarian for the last 25 years, and I am almost at breaking point. I actually cooked  a couple of grass-fed beefburger bites for bunny this evening. He wolfed them down with great gusto, in true carnivore style.  All that vegetarianism in the womb has given him an appetite for blood.

This effort of extreme elimination has a purpose. We are desperately trying to reach baseline. Mostly for bunny. I don’t really give a monkeys about my own symptoms (although I would like just a tad more sleep and less of an itchy bum please). More than anything I want my baby boy to feel better, to eat better, to sleep better. If he sleeps better, then I will sleep better. If he’s happy, then I’m happy.

Baseline means that bunny doesn’t have any symptoms for at least 4 weeks. In other words: no rash, no pimples and no spots on his body, no eczema, no scaliness behind his ears, no compulsive ear tugging, no fussing and kicking at bed-time, and sleep cycles for more than 30 minutes at a time with no crying in between. So far the elusive baseline, has well… eluded us. We haven’t got there yet, but we will. I’m determined. I’m not going to let these foods get the better of me and my bunny.

We might have to eliminate beans. That’s next on the list. If nothing else it will certainly smell a bit sweeter around here.

 

Sat 11 Jul 2009

The scoop on toddler poop

Posted by badmuthablogger under Health, Poop
1 Comment 

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about Bunny’s poop. I’ve taken a keen interest in it, ever since he was a baby and we had that Kombucha scare. But I sort of let the poop watch slide over the last few months. I got distracted. I had other shit to shoot. I forgot how important poop is in the parenting scheme of things.

The good news is, I’m back on poop watch alert now, and let me tell you, there’s mighty interesting  happenings down there in bun-buns nappies.

Toddler poop is different from baby poop. I wrote about the scoop on baby poop a year ago. The basic rules still apply. Black, tarry poop is not good and probably means internal bleeding, so get to the docs right away. Mucous in poop could mean a virus or stomach bug. Bright specks or streaks of blood could be from an allergy or food intolerance, or an anal fissure.

Toddlers can either be constipated, evident through lots of grunting and straining to squeeze out a small hard dry pellet or two. Or they can have diarrhea, with lots of watery and possibly green runny poo running out several times a day.

Other than that, healthy toddler poop is supposed to be like adult poop. In other words, medium brown, shaped like a banana, the consistency of toothpaste, with little smell or gas. It should leave the body smoothly and effortlessly, with no strain, sliding slowly into the water. Now, seriously folks, how many poos do you have that are like that?

Anyway, that’s the toddler scoop in a nutshell. Unfortunately, Bunny’s poop is by no means normal. At 16 months he should be having mini brown bananas, but instead he is alternating between daytime hard, dry scratchy pellets and early morning explosive poops the size of Belgium that leak out through his nappies and pyjamas, and sometimes out onto the bed. It’s a devil to clear up. Bunny is an active monkey in the morning. He doesn’t stay still for love or money. Changing a nappy chock full of chunky, runny diarrhea when bun-buns is wriggling around like a demon to escape, is no fun at 5am.

Back to the poop itself. The pellets look like large rabbit poops. I know he’s the Bunny, but this is taking it too far. It’s not like he’s been out in the fields eating grass all day.

The explosive poop is even more disturbing. It’s sort of brownish, but fibrous and stringy, and on closer inspection you can see that it is actually composed of oodles of undigested food from the day before, and even the day before that. Whole pieces of fruit come through unscathed. Pieces of carrot and potato. Rice crackers. Millet. It’s all there. This morning I noticed what looked like lots of sunflower seeds. Which is very odd, as we haven’t had any of those at all. Unless he’s been outside under the bird feeder picking up seed scraps without my noticing.

Of course, this is all connected to Bunny’s food intolerances and allergies that I’m finally getting to grips with, after several months of denial. I guess I didn’t really have my shit together before now. I did write that post back in November about bunny’s bleeding bum. But that was 8 months ago, and you’d think I’d have been more on the cack case since then. Beats the shit out of me why I haven’t been paying attention to things like the red ring around Bunny’s poop chute.  What kind of a crap mother am I, anyway?

 

Sat 4 Jul 2009

Gluten-free, Soy-free, Dairy-free Baby

Posted by badmuthablogger under Dairy free, Food Allergies, Gluten Free, Health
[7] Comments 

gluten_free_babyAs if it weren’t enough to be alcohol-free, drug-free, and partner-free, now I have to be gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, egg-free, tomato-free, berry-free, apple-free, nut-free, corn-free and sugar-free.

Phew! That, peeps, is a LOAD of frees to be dealing with. 

What in God’s name am I supposed to live on??? My entire existence has been built from aforementioned food staples. I NEED to eat bread and butter. I HAVE to eat omelettes. Without my cup of tea in the morning, I’m a useless pile of poo. I’m English, for goodness sake. I MUST have dairy, and if not dairy, then I MUST have soy substitute. Rice milk in tea is like cat’s piss. Almond milk curdles into stuff that looks like algae on a manky pond. Hemp milk? Bleugh!!!

The lowdown is that Bunny and I are suffering from multiple food intolerances and allergies. Quite why they have decided to rear their ugly heads into my life right now, is beyond my comprehension. I am HEALTHY! I drink lots of water! I exercise! I don’t smoke! I don’t eat food additives!

Anyway, it’s pointless fighting it. Acceptance is the only way forward. I’ve been in denial for the last 16 months, but no more! 

I knew Bunny was allergic to dairy since the get-go. And wheat. But the gluten connection only hit me like a ton of bricks in the last couple of weeks. All my spare time is now spent reading gluten free blogs.  I had no idea that gluten sensitivity was so common. 10 years ago, it was 1 in several thousand. Now around 1 in a hundred people have it. It’s an epidemic, peeps! We are ALL going to have a gluten intolerance by the time 2012 comes around. You mark my words!

It all seems so obvious now. Of COURSE he’s gluten intolerant. That’s what all the writhing and fighting in bed has been about. The eczema. The fatigue. The hyperactivity. The constant pulling of the right ear. The bloom of red rash over stomach, back, neck and face. The neediness. The not wanting to eat anything. The constipation. The diarrhea. Poor little bun-buns has been suffering for months now, and his ditzy mama has taken nearly a year and a half to figure it out. What’s more (and this is surely connected to the ditziness) I’ve been suffering from similar symptoms myself. I have a hideous rash on the back of my arms. I don’t sleep well. I’m spacey. My digestion is all messed up. I feel bloated and puffy.

Right now my kidneys and liver are aching so badly, that the doctor says I have to drink 3 to 4 litres of water A DAY to flush out my system!!! And if I want to get better I have to be absolutely adamant in eliminating all aggravating foodstuffs from my diet. It’s no joke, folks. Things have got to change big-time around here.

I feel like someone lifted a veil from my eyes, and suddenly the whole world looks different. Things make sense again. I have a handle on what is happening on Planet Bunny. It doesn’t look good, and I’m struggling but at least I’m not in a denial daze. I’ve got my feet planted firmly in reality land. I’m dealing with the cards I’ve been dealt, one hand at a time.

I’ve cleared out my kitchen cupboards and ditched all known allergens. I’ve bought my gluten free restaurant cards. I’ve ordered a couple of cookbooks. I even subscribed to “Living Without” magazine (pretty crap title if you ask me, not exactly enticing one to subscribe). I haven’t gone into the toiletries yet, but that’s next.

I have no idea how we’re going to get through playdates and lunchdates, nevermind traveling back to London next month to see the F.O.B. (I wonder if British Airways does a gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, vegetarian meal?) God only knows how challenging this is going to be once Bunny goes to preschool…

Somehow I am going to have to upgrade my culinary skills, and my communication skills, and muddle us through this minefield of food intolerances. It’s gonna be a steep learning curve.

We need a T-shirt. Some stickers. A sign or two to stick around the house. Food disabled. Nutritionally challenged. Please don’t feed.

On the upside, I’m bound to lose some weight around the middle on this diet. Look on the bright side, eh?

 

Wed 1 Jul 2009

16 months old today!!!

Posted by badmuthablogger under Birthday, Bunny
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It’s birthday time again, bunny! 16 months today! Sweet 16!!! And oh, what a sweet-pea you are! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, bunnikins!!!

The big news this month is… da da da daaa… wait for it…

You WALKED!! Yes, you did it bunny!!! All on your ownsome!!! For the very first time!!! You’ve been pulling yourself up onto two legs for months now, but this month you let go and stepped into the great, wobbly unknown. I am so proud of you! Nevermind those other mothers who kept raising their eyebrows down the park, muttering about late walkers. You might be a late walker, but you’re walking now!

Those legs of yours are mighty strong tree trunks ready to take on the world. You’ve taken the wind out of your mama once or twice by kicking me in the stomach. Those legs pack a punch, I’m telling you. It’s only a matter of weeks before you start careering round the house on those pins, with your old mama wheezing right behind you.

Look! I caught you on film taking some of your first steps with me and Grandma. It was historic. A big milestone. Epic.

 

This month I made the mistake of taking you to a big music festival. I thought it would be fun. But it wasn’t. It was in a word, hell. Hotter than Hades. Big noises and  freaky looking, drugged-up people everywhere. Too much stimulation for a little bun-buns. You hated it. I hated it too. I’m too old for it, and you’re too young for it.

bunny_festival_hates

After a full hour meltdown screaming blue murder, you passed out on a bean bag in despair. Only to wake up horrified and screaming that we were still there 30 minutes later. Whereupon we went home. Pronto.

bunny_festival

I won’t put you through that again I promise. To think I actually used to enjoy festivals. And to think one day you’ll actually enjoy festivals too. It’s a funny old world, isn’t it?

We had another big outing with Grandma when we took the ferry over to Angel Island. You had a blast on the boat. I just know you’re going to be sailing the high seas yourself one day. It’s in your blood, bunny. Your great grandfather and grandmother were Olympic Gold medalists in yachting, you know. You have good genes in them there bones.

bunny_ferry

On the Island, we took a little tram all the way around so we could see the views from all directions, but not get too tired from walking in the hot sun. So much nicer than being at a horrible, crowded festival. You were a happy little bunny.  Look at that tufty of hair sticking up in the wind! It’s growing, sweetums! Very fine and blond, so kinda hard to see, but it’s growing bunny, I swear. One day you WILL have hair.

bunny_angelisland

Food is a tricky subject right now. Some days you’ve been known to eat a whole banana in one swoop. But most of the time you’re a picky eater. I got you these pyjamas in the hopes that it might come true, that you might actually turn into a BIG EATER.  But so far, no such luck. There’s more food on the floor than in your stomach.

big_eater

You’ve chomped the plastic rubber coating right off that there spoon, so I’ve had to order you some proper metal cutlery.

Your latest thing is to fling your food quite vigorously at your mama. You don’t seem to like anything I make. Or if you do, you soon come down with a rash and bad stomach ache and we have to eliminate that food from your diet. So far we’ve had to eliminate dairy, gluten (including wheat, oats, rye) tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, soya and eggs. Who knows what’s next? It’s been a BIG challenge for your mama. I’m at my wits end.

But the good news is that I think I’ve finally figured out your sleep problems. It’s all down to your diet. I thought you were a “wakeful baby” but it turns out the reason you wake up every 30 minutes crying is because your stomach hurts and you don’t feel well. It’s not rocket science and I don’t know why it’s taken me 16 months to figure it out. I’m sorry bunny. I blame my own sleep deprivation. I don’t think clearly when I don’t get any sleep.  But I’m confident if we can crack this food allergy stuff, then we’ll  both be able to sleep better. Let’s see how it goes next month, OK?

Hey, guess what? There’s a rumour that Grandpa J. and Grandma G. might be coming to visit this month? What do you think about that then?

bunny_muirwoods

Yep, I know. It’s hard to believe. They’re coming all this way just to see YOU. And me and auntie, of course. But mainly you. Grandma K. stitched that colourful wall hanging that you point at every day with all the crazy animals, you know?

We’re going to have a big QUIET adventure when they get here. Lots of fun, chilling in the garden, I promise. Pointing at buzzy bees and throwing pebbles in the stream. Just hanging out together with the fam.

bunny_garden

We might even take them to the beach.  

bunny_aunties_bum

That’s auntie’s bum, by the way, and not your mamas. Mine has a different shape to it.

It’s been another month of fun and games with you, bunny. I’ve learned so much with you. Even the hard times have been good times. It’s all so rich and rewarding every day, in every way. Thank you for being my little bunny on this wonderful journey through life. Happy birthday, bun-buns! I love you!

With all my love always,

Mummy xxxxxxxxxx

 

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