At the risk of sounding like a broken down record… effing hell I’m TIRED. I wasn’t going to bang on about lack of sleep any more, since I’ve flogged that horse to death. But being knackered is the biggest thing happening in my life right now. Complete and total exhaustion. I have nothing else to write about. The only thing running through my head is endless fatigue.
This is serious, peeps. I’m so shattered I can’t tell if I’m in reality or dreaming. I’ve got that trippy, toxic feeling like I’ve been up all night on acid. Or coke. Or speed. My eyes look like two pissholes in the snow. I’ve got deep cracks in my tongue. I yawn about 3 times a minute.
Last night I went to bed after midnight after faffing about trying to clear out yet another box from the bottomless stuffed cupboard. All part of my 6 week spring clean plan, which is bleeding into summer, and bleeding my energy dry, but the good news is I’m making progress, peeps. One box at a time.
Unfortunately, bunny decided to have one of his worst nights ever, waking up every hour writhing around and moaning like he’s on fire. It’s his teethies again. Or maybe its that Indian curry and chapati we ate. Whatever. All I know is I got about 4 hours of heavily interrupted sleep. Which I could probably handle if it was a one-off, but sadly this sort of milarkey has been going on for, oh, nearly 15 months now.
I’ve been thinking about this bloke I know back in the UK, who broke the world sleep deprivation record a couple of years ago. Tony went without sleep for 11 days. I checked him out after a week, to see how he was holding up and to see if he’d turned into a psychotic, slobbering monster. Unbelievably, he could still string a few words together. However, he’d more or less turned into a zombie. He didn’t look too spiffy, and he smelt like caca. I kept a safe distance in case he turned rabid. He had the presence of a dead man, but I had a feeling that he could turn psycho in a moment’s notice.
Tony’s theory is that sleep deprivation unlocks the potential of our brains, and improves our health, immune system and overall sense of wellbeing.
What a load of ol’ bollocks. My brain has never been so addled. My health is crumbling. My immune system is teetering on the edge of collapse. I feel like crapola.
Tony also claims that mystics have been practising sleep deprivation for thousands of years in order to access higher states of consciousness, and commune with the spirit world. Lack of sleep brings you closer to the gods. Hmmm.. now that I can sort of understand, since I do feel like a ghost. I’m not in the land of the living, that’s for sure.
I think this could be the solution to my fate (apart from getting more sleep, which doesn’t seem to be on the cards for the foreseeable future). Not to resist what is happening in my life, but instead to embrace my weariness, and build it into my spiritual parenting practice. Let go and surrender to sleeplessness. Might as well go with the flow, since I have a sinking feeling that this lack of sleep stuff is going to be around for a few years to come.
Sat 16 May 2009 at 10:36 am
Wow, I wish I didn’t relate to you so much, but I do. Sometimes, getting to bed early is more important to me than doing anything else (I miss my “alone” time, but sometimes I’ve got to). Perhaps the suckiest part is that my body is so used to waking up regularly, I find that I wake up whether the kid does it or not. “They” say it takes a while for our bodies to get used to the opportunity to sleep…
That sleep deprivation story is pretty amazing. You saw him in person during that?
Sat 16 May 2009 at 4:47 pm
While not a single mother, I do love to read your blog and love how you write. I am a writer as well, but a technical/grant writer. My 18 month old son has only slept 9 nights the entire way through his whole life and last week we had his tonsils and adenoids removed because they were too big and when he laid down his airway was blocked and woke him up frequently. It also caused drainage problems with his ears, tonsil infections, and constant runny noses. It is too early to tell if the surgery will help the sleep issue but the drainage is much better and draining how it is supposed to. SO, I sure do feel your pain and really hope that awful feeling goes away for you soon. It is really a bad feeling to never feel rested, ever. Those spiritualist are full of shit.
Sun 17 May 2009 at 8:45 pm
Lisa – yep. I’m fully programmed to sleep in 1 hour increments. It’s going to take YEARS before I can sleep normally again, with or without the bunny’s sleep antics. And yeah, I know that guy from my hometown in the UK. I went to see him a couple of times. He’s kind of a trippy guy.
Ami – thanks for your comment. Gosh, that’s terrible about your son, but hopefully he will soon make a full recovery and you will all sleep better now!