I haven’t figured anything out yet. I’m still lost at sea with the F.O.B. My blogging has slid to the wayside, and I’m not sure it will ever recover.

I’m horrendously jet-lagged. Flying to England and back in one week with the bunny in tow, has taken it’s toll on this old mama. I hate flying at the best of times, but now flying has taken on a much deeper level of discomfort. No more kicking back in business class with a glass of bubbly, a good book and a couple of top notch flicks. Flying with a toddler is a whole different kettle of fish. It’s an effing nightmare, peeps.

But back to the F.O.B. We talked. We ate. I slept. (Not together. We had separate rooms). We played with bunny, and visited lots of London parks and fed lots of fat, happy quack-quacks. We went over-the-top shopping at Hamleys, London’s greatest toy shop. Bunny went absolutely beserk in the shop, running around in circles shrieking and pulling everything off shelves. If the F.O.B. hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have lasted five seconds with that kind of shenanigans going on. Shopping with bunny is a hair-raising experience. Enough said.

The weather was fabulous for a change. It almost made me want to move back, until the last day when it turned gray and dreary, bucketed down rain, and took over 2 hours to get from North London to Heathrow in the most insane traffic you’ve ever seen.  And then I remembered all the reasons I don’t want to move back to England. Dark. Depressing. Dirty. Overcrowded. Overpriced. Grumpy people. No thanks.

I was only there for a week, and I don’t think I got onto any kind of solid ground with the F.O.B. during that time. But we did (sort of) build a small bridge of trust between us. More importantly, a relationship budded between him and bunny. There was real love and joy between them. It made my heart sing to witness it.

The bottom line: I want bunny to have his father in his life, and that means somehow I have to find a way to make an amicable relationship between me and the F.O.B.

It’s early days. I feel like I’m only just starting to get to know the F.O.B. He has hidden depths. And truth told, I don’t want to know everything about him. I’m willing to let go of the past. Forgive and forget. Move on. I have to do this for bunny. For his sake, not mine.

What I want above all is to find the place of honesty and integrity between the F.O.B. and me, a place where we can make good and right decisions about bunny’s future, without letting our own baggage get in the way. Together. I’m willing to believe it’s possible. I’m willing to believe leopards can change their spots. Maybe he’s changed. I know I have.